Featured Joke

 

 

BACKSEAT DRIVER
A Story for all Ages
_____________________________

A man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer.
The following exchange takes place.... The man says, "What's
the problem officer?"

Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."

Man: "No sir, I was going 65."

Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80!" (The man gives his wife
a dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken
tail light."

Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail
light!"

Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!"
(The man gives his wife another dirty look.)

Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not
wearing your seatbelt."

Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to
the car."

Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt!"

The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your
husband talk to you this way all the time?"

The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

From Gus Mercado
Dallas, Texas

 

 


Always remember those who serve

     In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?", the boy asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. "How much is a dish of plain ice cream?" he inquired.
     Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient. "Thirty-five cents," she said brusquely. The little boy again counted the coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.
    The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed. When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies - her tip.
from Rika Lazo
Hines, Illinois

PINOY NAMES List of Pilipinos who changed their names when they became U.S. citizens:
===============================
Dahil sa nananatiling 'Colonial Mentality' ng ating mga kababayan, marami ang nagpapalit ng kanilang mga pangalan matapos silang sumumpa ng kanilang US citizenship. Sa ibaba nitong liham ay mga halimbawa ng mga datihang Pilipino na tuluyan ng itakwil ang kani-kanilang pangalang Pilipino: PANGALANG PILIPINO ipinalit na AMERICAN NAME

 

The Important Things Life Teaches You

2 ~ Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.
A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict- filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry! She wrote down his address, thanked him and drove away. Seven days went by and a
knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.
A special note was attached. It read:
Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes but my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.
God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others.

Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole

1 ~ Most Important Question

During my second month of nursing school, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke.
I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say 'hello'."
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

Sent by Rika Lazo
Hines, Illinois


PINOY LINGO (Unauthorized English-Filipino dictionary)
1. aspect - pantusok ng yelo
2. backlog - bacon saka egg
3. beehive - magpakatino ka
4. cdrom - tingnan mo ang kwarto
5. city - bago mag-utso (commonly heard in the Visayas)
6. cattle - doon nakatila ang hali at leyna
7. debug - ang ipis
8. dedicated - pinatay ang pusa
9. deduct - ang pato
10. defeat - ang paa
11. defense - ang bakod
12. detail - ang buntot
Use the words "deduct, defense, defeat and detail" in one sentence.
Answer: "Deduct jumped over defense -- defeat first and then detail!"

13. defer - ang balahibo
14. deflate - ang plato
15. defrag - ang palaka
16. delusion - e di maluwag
17. depends - (see defense)
18. deposit - ang gripo
19. depress - nagkasal sa persuading (see persuading)
20. detest - ang eksamin
21. devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang 'V'
22. devastation - 'dun sasakay ng bus
23. devote - ang boto
24. dilemma - brownout, a!
25. effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
26. forums - apat na kwarto
27. it depends - kainin mo ang bakod
28. july - nagsinungaling ka ba?
29. statue - ikaw ba 'yan?
30. protestant - tindahan ng prutas.
31. predicate - pakawalan mo ang pusa
32. profit - patunayan mo
33. persuading - unang kasal
34. tenacious - sinusuot sa paa
35. thesis - ito ay
36. torpedo - shy; takot manligaw
37. zoology - ang sayans ng pagtatahi

BE SPECIAL TO OTHERS

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. All the other frogs gathered around pit. When they saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all of their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time.

This story teaches two lessons:
1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day.

2. A destructive word to someone who is down can be what it takes to kill them. Be careful of what you say. Speak life to those who cross your path. The power of words....it is sometimes hard to understand that an encouraging word can go such a long way. Anyone can speak words that tend to rob another of the spirit to continue in difficult times. Special is the individual who will take the time to encourage another.

Be Special to others.

THE WOMAN'S PLACE THAT'S GOT TO CHANGE

Barbara Walters had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several
years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily
walked about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait
recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind
their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
marvelous," she said. "What enabled women here to achieve this
reversal of roles?"

The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines!"

-- From Gus Mercado
Dallas, Texas